I like baseball, in theory. But let’s be honest. The game is sort-of boring. Here are ten things we can do to fix that:
- Use a football. Preferably deflated.
- Ten bonus points every time you hit the scoreboard.
- Automatic three-outs if you catch the ball in your mouth.
- Disputes over balls vs. strikes settled by a standardized best-of-three game of rock-paper-scissors.
- Each team can release five cats onto the field at any point during the game.
- Each team can designate one inning where the other team must wear blindfolds.
- For one randomly selected inning, the floor is lava.
- If there are 0 or 2 outs, the runner must run counterclockwise. If there is 1 out, the runner must run clockwise. Running the wrong way is an automatic out.
- Once per game, each team can declare a Calvinball.
- Five innings. Just five. Please. That’s plenty.